C.W. Gusewelle Doesn’t Need Your Approval To Keep On Breedin’ These Hound Dogs, By Golly

C.W. Gusewelle is a fan of canines. He has made his dogs the subject of many of his hard-hitting columns — that is, when he’s taking a break from writing about his yard — and pays particular attention to Rufus, his now-deceased Brittany spaniel, whose name C-dub perpetuates by continuing to breed little Rufuses (Rufi?). Hey, it’s nice to have a hobby, even if we do sometimes feel a bit queasy about people overseeing animal breeding. The problem for C-dub is that he tends to get a lot of reader feedback about the terrible problem of cat and dog overpopulation in this world. Is it right — dare we say ethical? — for the prolix columnist to continue bringing these dogs into the world when there are already so many? Shouldn’t he just head down to the Humane Society and adopt a stray? NO! How dare you question C-dub’s right to breed as many dogs as he damn well pleases!

Here’s C-dub addressing his occasional critics (and we hope it’s just Bob Barker writing angry letter after angry letter):

Occasionally, I’ve gotten shrill letters from readers of the column, saying it’s wrong of me to perpetuate the Rufus line when there already are too many dogs in the world.

That’s arrant nonsense.

It’s like saying there are too many children in the world, when the truth is that what there are too many of are unwanted, abused, neglected, hungry, uneducated and sick children — ones with no hope of reasonable and productive lives.

It isn’t that there are too many dogs — just too many accidental ones, homeless, unfed and uncared-for.

So those occasional meddlesome letters go into the trash at warp speed. Anyone out there with nothing better to think about than the reproductive activities of my dogs would do well to find some useful volunteer work to keep them occupied.

Having said that, I’m pleased to report the Rufus line is not yet at an end.

Don’t you see, Star readers? C-dub is not the problem — everyone else is the problem. This reminds us of the guy who argues for the right to buy an assault rifle, stubbornly insisting that he can handle it responsibly and that it’s not his fault that other people choose to use them for robbin’ or killin’.

So keep out of C-dub’s dog breeding business, Kansas City. You now know that he places your letters into his trash “at warp speed.” Not the recycle bin, mind you.

BONUS C.W. GUSEWELLE COVERAGE!

Hey, want to email purple prose aficionado C.W. Gusewelle? You know, because it’s the year 2008 and that’s how people communicate? Well, Star ombudsman Derek Donovan is once again here to rain on your parade:

A reader asks why Charles Gusewelle’s e-mail address doesn’t appear at the end of his columns.

That’s because he hasn’t been a Star staffer for years.  He writes on a freelance basis, so he doesn’t have a kcstar.com account.  But if you want to contact him, he checks a mailbox at the main office regularly.  You can send snail mail c/o The Star (1729 Grand Blvd. KCMO 64108 — making sure to put his name on the envelope very clearly) or you can send a message my way, and I’ll print it out and leave it for him.

Ha, tough luck. C-dub can’t work the Google. And how sad is this statement: you can send a message my way, and I’ll print it out and leave it for him. What kind of show are they running over at the Star? Are they stuck in 1940s-newsroom-mode? Are there young, earnest newsboys running around delivering messages? Are people smoking at their desks and talking about how brave General Eisenhower is?